“Discover why you’re important, then refuse to settle for anyone who doesn’t completely agree.”- Fisher Amelie

Why do we believe singleness should be avoided like the plague? When I tell people I am single, I typically receive a pitiful reaction like I am supposed to be sad because I am not in a relationship. After I graduated college, the most common question I was asked was…“Why are you still single?” Eventually, I began to believe there was something wrong with me. This caused me to feel insecure and wonder if I was “too much of a woman” like a guy had once told me.

The answer is NO!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with me and my singleness has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I realized that I am too valuable, too important and lavishly loved to be worried about my relationship status. The problem with desperately desiring a relationship is that we lower our standards, which can result to a distorted view of ourselves. We are created to be individuals. This means that you are WHOLE all by yourself. I cringe every time I hear someone say, “I’m just looking for my other half.” There is no such thing as half a person. Even twins are considered individuals regardless of the similarities in their DNA.

The point is in order to thrive in life, you must focus on becoming the best version of yourself. This can be achieved by developing your character mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have discovered that the best time to invest in yourself is when you are single. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, embrace the numerous hours you have and use that time to GROW!

In my singleness, here are a few things I practice in order to thrive:

“Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”- Galatians 5:22-23

1. Love: Take time to practice self-love and extend that love to others. Through loving myself and accepting the love of God, I have the ability to share unconditional love with others.
2. Joy: Do not allow your emotions to dictate your life. Take charge by choosing joy even when the circumstances are not favorable to your taste.
3. Peace: This is a state of mind. In order to maintain a peaceful life, you must let go of your fears and worries. You cannot add a minute to your life by worrying. Practice gratitude instead of focusing on the negatives.
4. Patience: Imagine how far we would go if we had the courage to wait. Develop the capacity to accept delay without accepting passivity. Even while you are waiting, you can gracefully enjoy every moment life has to offer.
5. Kindness: This means dying to your selfish desires and extending generosity. Build solid friendships with a foundation founded on trust and warmth.
6. Goodness: Embrace the essence of your being. You are created to be excellent. Find out what you enjoy doing and use your talents to create goodness. See Inspire Fire
7. Faithfulness: In order to be faithful you must have the ability to trust and commit. I trust that God is faithful and He keeps His promises. This belief allows me to stay committed regardless of my situation.
8. Gentleness: Although self-confidence is very important, be cautious of becoming conceited. Gentleness allows you to focus on humility even as you grow in confidence.
9. Self-Control: This literally means to control oneself. Exercising self-control is extremely difficult since we are usually led by our selfish desires. Although I am still growing in this area, I have found that practicing self-control enables me to control my emotions and desires especially in difficult moments.

My dear readers, I encourage you to trust in the process and know that being single is not the end of the world. All seasons of life are valuable and essential for growth. I am single and I am living JOYFULLY! What about you? Are you wasting your singleness or are you investing in your character?

Much Love,

Deborah Queen