Stop Trying To Change Him

“Women get into a relationship hoping a man will change, and he never does; men get into a relationship hoping the woman doesn’t change, but she always does.”

― Valerie Frankel, The Girlfriend Curse

Save yourself some time and energy. Stop trying to change him. You cannot change him. His mother could not change him, his siblings could not change him, his employer could not change him. What makes you think he’ll change because of you?

Ladies, it’s time we face the truth and stop hiding behind the lies we’ve created in our heads. We meet a guy, and we see his good side but we tend to skip the red flags. We may be guilty of thinking if he falls in love with us, he’ll change because that’s what people do when their in love. I’ve seen this trend happen in so many scenarios and I think it’s time we address it.

If a man is giving you red flags, don’t turn them into green flags. If you’re an empath like me, I can understand why you may want to turn away from the red flags. You want to focus on the good and believe that if you keep showering love, the person will change. This actually does not always work. You cannot go into a relationship expecting a man to change. If you cannot be happy with the red flags you’ve seen, you should not get into or stay in the relationship in hopes the man will change.

Now, this does not mean that you should not bring up these issues. You definitely should! However, when the man has shown you who he is and is not interested in changing for the person he loves, you should act accordingly. The worst thing about remaining in a relationship like that is getting your hopes up for months or even years and realizing you wasted time waiting for nothing to happen.  Do yourself a favor and walk away.

If you’re deciding to still remain in a relationship in hopes to change a man, here are some things to consider:

  1. You’re Not God: No amount of love, sex, dedication, talk etc. can change a man. You do not have the power to control or change another person without their permission. Unless you use juju (magic powers). Even then, it’s questionable. You can cause a lot of harm to yourself if you try to play God with a man that does not want to change or do better.
  2. He Is Who He Is: Most men are not oblivious to their behavior. They know exactly what their doing especially if you’ve brought up a situation multiple times. They are aware that you’re hurt when he does things that hurt you. You have to accept that he’s not willing to change. Change only happens when there’s a notice of error, followed by remorse and self reflection. He will only change if he wants to change.
  3. The Man You’re Looking For Exists: I don’t know why we focus so much energy changing a man rather than letting another man who’s ready and willing to become the best version of himself take a chance with us. The man you’re looking for actually exists but, you cannot find him if you remain in an unhappy relationship that’s going nowhere. Decide you want better for your self. You deserve it.

I hope you found this blog insightful and I’d like to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic. Thanks for reading beauties! Until next time, you can keep up with me on Instagram @iam_Deborah.



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