Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse/Assault Rape Is Not The Victim’s Fault

“Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth and it happens every few minutes. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.” 
― Kurt Cobain

It’s disappointing that in this day and age, we still have to debate whether or not rape is the victim’s fault.

Rape is something that haunts me as a woman. I am constantly hyperaware that I could be attacked at anytime and I need to be prepared to fight. Although I enjoy working out, one of the reasons I decided to start lifting weights to get stronger was because I got too many email alerts about sexual assaults happening on my college campus.

In light of the Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo scandal, it is evident that we, especially my fellow Nigerians still have a lot of learning to do about rape. Our culture is heavily saturated by rape. We claim boys will be boys and fail to teach men basic human decency. We train girls to avoid getting raped like they have a choice. Unfortunately, this trend is also heavily embedded in the American culture where people like Brock Turner can walk free after destroying a person’s life. It is clear that we have a problem addressing rape across cultures.

There’s so much I can talk about in this topic but I want to focus on a few point.

  1. Rape Is Never The Victim’s Fault: I hate when the question to a rape accusation is “What were you wearing?”, “Were you out partying?”, “Were you seducing him?” and so on. When someone opens up about rape, you should NEVER try to blame them! If someone get’s robbed, do you blame them? If someone get’s shot at, do you blame them? If a drunk driver crashes into another car, would you blame the victim? The answer is No! So why are we okay with shaming a rape victim rather than the rapist? Why would you attack someone who’s fought hard to speak their truth and release the ties that held them down? I think it’s because we all play a part in rape culture and we are afraid to acknowledge the truth because we would see the worst in us. The average woman has been molested by her dad, uncle, aunt or someone she trusted. It’s almost impossible to share your story because of fear of backlash and victim blaming, so we hold it in. The hurt goes from fear to anger and then bitterness. We tend to turn away from things that bring up our own past so we shut it down. We decide there’s nothing we can do so we let life be “life.”
  2. There Is Never A Good Reason To Rape: The fact that I have to talk about this makes me cringe. Just because you want a girl does not mean you can force her to want you too. Just because she has shorts on does not mean she wants you. Just because you want to feed your ego does not give you the right to rape. Just because she was your ex girlfriend does not mean she has to open her legs for you. There is just no justification to rape. You have no right to enter her throne without permission.
  3. If You Don’t Defend The Victim, You Are Part Of The Problem: Keeping silent means you are an enabler. When you speak out and defend those in need, you are standing in the light. The reason rapist feel entitled and have the audacity to keep on is because they have been given a platform to continue as they please. Rape is not taken seriously especially when the accused is a pastor, high ranking member of some agency or a man. We find any reason in the book to shield rapist and shame the victims. You need to decide what type of person you’re going to be. Are you going to enable or are you going to defend.

I could go on and on but that’ll be in another blog. If you’ve been raped, whether you’re male or female, I am so sorry. I am sorry you had something stolen from you. I am sorry for the fear that kept you hidden for so long. I am sorry that the person you trusted hurt you. I am sorry the stranger stole from you. I wish I could hug you and tell you how beloved you are. God is a healer of all things and I know he is holding you together. He loves you so much and He want you to know that He feels your pain and He wants you to rest in Him.

I hope you found this blog insightful and I hope you use these tips to reflect and become a better version of yourself. What are you thoughts and experiences with rape in your culture? Thanks for reading beauties! Until next time, you can keep up with me on Instagram @iam_Deborah.

Love

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