Why I’m Not Rushing To Get Married

“I guess I thought that my desire for marriage made me “ready.” There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to be married by the way, but it’s something seriously wrong when you have a mindset like I did that questioned if my life would be as effective without marriage.” – Calah Jackson

I’m 25, single and in no rush to get married.

I’m sure one of my Nigerian Aunties is somewhere wondering if I’ve lost my mind. Don’t worry, I’m completely sane. Now, first things first, I believe in marriage and I do want to get married one day. However, I have a problem with the ideology that marriage is the ultimate goal and my life begins and ends with marriage.

Why should being married be the goal in my 20s? Isn’t my 20s supposed to be the time I learn about myself, my values, my inspiration, my beliefs and relationship with God? I find it strange that at a time I’m supposed to figure out adulting and my life purpose, I’m bombarded by “when am I going to settle down and get married?” questions. I mean, am I less valuable because I’m not married? Unfortunately, the society we live in believes marriage is a prerequisite for a great life. I strongly disagree because I know so many people who married early that wish they took their time.

In my friend’s blog Naked Moms Collective she states, “I looked at marriage like a “level up” in life when really it’s a covenant with God and spouse that I diminished and devalued greatly by making it an idol. Fast forward some years and I am reaping the consequences of a heart and mind that didn’t truly have Jesus at the center. Marriage isn’t just hard relationally, it’s hard spiritually. You are battling all the time alongside your spouse and fighting to honor the covenant you made.”

This really hit home because a lot of us, especially Christians idolize marriage to the point we ignore that our life does not automatically become perfect because we’re married. This is far from the truth because marriage actually amplifies and exposes your imperfections, insecurities and sinful nature. Whoever you were prior to marriage becomes more apparent. If you were a cheater, procrastinator, liar, control freak, etc prior to marriage, it doesn’t end because you have a ring on your finger.

So why isn’t there more pressure on us to become better individuals spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically? Why not focus on how to be a better person and live in the truth and freedom given by the grace of God?

As a single, my biggest struggle is having sex because I want to wait till marriage but, this does not mean I’ll rush and marry just anybody. I really don’t want to get a divorce and I really want to enjoy my singleness and freedom more than anything. Also, I’m fully aware that nobody but God can fix my brokenness.

Picking a spouse should be done with extreme care. You need to be sure that the person is on a similar path as you are and your purpose is aligned. You have to have the capacity and tools to build. You should both be striving to become your best selves and be whole before coming together. Whole doesn’t mean you’re perfect… it means you are at peace and satisfied with your life and yourself. To be whole means you are content in God and the process of life. I don’t want to be anybody’s half. I want my future spouse to be whole because I don’t want a 50/50 relationship. I need 100/100.

Here Are A Few Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Rush Marriage:

  1. After The Temporary High, Reality Sets In: Don’t marry for the likes, the dress[es], the wedding, the sex and everything society makes you feel marriage is actually about. After the wedding planning and the wild sex and all, everything normalizes and reality sets in. The human you married can’t solve all your problems. You’ll find that they’re more imperfect than you could have imagined. At the end of the day, you’re just two humans trying to grow in purpose in a broken world.
  2. We’re All Humans, Your Spouse Will Fail You: Even when they don’t want to hurt you, they will. This is not to discredit the beauty, joy, peace and purpose that comes with marriage. However, I do want to stress the fact that your spouse is not the perfect solution for all your problems. He or she is another human trying to do the right thing and become their best selves. You have to give them the space to be human and not think they’ll solve all your problems.
  3. You Will Get Bored: I know this sounds like I’m a hater, but I’m speaking from the experiences of the diverse married people I’ve discussed with. They’ve all said the same thing. They have to put in effort to keep the spice and fire in the marriage. If you’re bored with your life now, marriage will not fix that.

At the end of the day, marriage isn’t a race. It’s just another season of your life. A beautiful season if you marry for the right reasons. Enjoy your singleness. Live, learn and find your happiness. When it’s time to marry, you will. Your life does not start and end with marriage. Your life is happening right now so go ahead and live.

I hope you found this blog insightful and I hope this inspires you to live in your current season. What are your thoughts regarding the idolization of marriage? Thanks for reading beauties! Until next time, you can keep up with me on Instagram @iam_Deborah.

Love

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6 thoughts on “Why I’m Not Rushing To Get Married

  1. Hi Deborah

    I really enjoyed reading your blog. This particular piece on marriage is really inspiring.

    As a 26 year old unmarried bird lol. I appreciate and thank God that I didn’t marry when I had the chance to at 23/24 because I know for sure I would have been divorced by now.

    Thinking back, I can’t believe I almost agreed to ‘settle’ with someone who’s flaws annoyed m me ALL THE TIME (it was that bad 🙄😂) because I wanted to be ‘married’ 😂…

    Anyhoo, I’m glad & give God thanks that I didn’t ‘settle’ because I am happier right now than I have ever been in my adult life.

    Weirdly enough we reason alike. Lol. I look forwards to reading more insightful materials from you. X

    Ps I never comment on blog posts apart from now lol, you’ve gained a new fan 💃🏽

    Like

    1. Hi Chi!

      Thank you for reading my blog and I’m glad you found the content relevant! Wow!! I can imagine, I’m glad you didn’t rush the marriage process. The truth many married people don’t tell you is the fact that marriage doesn’t make much difference because our culture is too focused on irrelevant things like the hype of marriage. When it comes to the real work, the same people are no where to be found. My dear, take your time. Live and become a better person so when your season is right, you can identify a stable partner and both of you can focus on important things such as become the best version of yourself. Aww!! I’m glad you commented on this piece and I look forward to more in the upcoming blogs!

      Like

  2. Hi Deborah! I thoroughly enjoyed getting to read your post; I loved seeing the boldness and peace you have with yourself in your season of singleness ooze throughout the post. As someone who has just started her twenties, I definitely needed a post of encouragement during my season of singleness, and sincerely admire yours at 25! I also particularly enjoyed your rhetorical question about the purpose of singleness– getting to live our life for the LORD (and having some fun along the way!). I think it’s an important reminder for us women of God that He will honor us with a kingdom marriage if we continue seeking in Him first in singleness. But (like you mentioned), we can’t be the full 100% spouse if we’re only 50% the person we aspire to be– and that’s where trust and faith come in. Well said!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Julia,

      Thank you for reading and I’m glad you found the blog relevant! Yes, you have to live your life even though sometimes it’s hard and you may crave that intimacy, I know fully that it’s better to be patient than to rush into the wrong things. Stay encouraged that the best is yet to come ❤️❤️❤️

      Like

  3. Hi Deborah! Thank you for being bold enough to share your faith and singleness pride in your post. As someone who just started her twenties, I found it very refreshing being able to pick up your confidence and peace that you have being single and 25– it is an admirable trait that I aspire to have someday! I particularly enjoyed your rhetorical question on the purpose of our singleness– that it is to live our life for the LORD (while having some fun along the way, of course!). I agree that it is important for us to have 100% of the ideal traits of the person we want to marry, and that we must put God first above all else. It is only by seeking Him first that He will honor us with a kingdom marriage– it is through faith and trust that us women of God will be molded into mighty wives someday– all in His timing. Well said!

    Liked by 1 person

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